I noticed something interesting this last week, as Mike and I continue to try and dip our toes into the world of step-parenting, and that is the way we handle things when something we feel is unfair is happening to one of our kids at school. But it's in the way that you might think.
Because what really gets us hot under the collar is when it’s happening to one of the three kids we’re not actually related to by blood.
This happened last year when my oldest daughter was having an issue in her 4th grade classroom during the last few weeks of school. I went in for a meeting with her teachers to discuss how I felt my child was getting bullied (and have them assure me that she wasn’t…something I thought teachers weren’t really supposed to do). Obviously, I left that meeting feeling annoyed and like nothing had been taken care of. But knowing that she only had 3 weeks left, I was more willing to let it go.
Mike, on the other hand, was a little angrier about it and I had to restrain him before he went down to the classroom and told those incompetent teachers what he really thought of them in a very descriptive, 4-letter adjective-y kind of way.
We found ourselves in a similar situation recently…but the tables were turned. His oldest son came home and told Mike about a problem he was having with one of his teachers at school and while Mike was annoyed…he didn’t seem half as angry about it as I was. In fact, as he was typing an email to the teacher asking to meet with her to discuss the problem, I actually grabbed his phone out of his hand and said, “No. This is what you’re going to say.” And started typing away.
That unfortunate teacher found herself on the business end of my hormonal upswing. But in a polite way.
It’s funny how when we look at each other’s kids we think, “There is no way he/she could be in the wrong.” But when we look at our own, we sit back and say, “Huh. I wonder what he/she might have done to bring that on.”
It may have something to do with the fact that we haven’t been around each other’s kids from birth to now. So while each of us has seen how uncooperative our own kids can be…we’re still figuring out that side of the kids who aren’t our own. For example, Mike’s son has never argued with me the way Mike assures me he’s capable of and Mike has never found himself dealing with the hissy fit that I know my daughter can produce. So it’s easy for us to get angry about what’s going on with the other person’s kids and think, “He/she would never do that.”
I guess we’re both (and the kids) are pretty lucky that at this point in our lives, we find ourselves so invested in each other and have steeped the kids in so much support that they have extra people around who will think the best of them no matter what. That’s really not such a bad thing.
But for those people out there who think they can get away with dealing one of our kids an unfair hand…you better watch it.
‘Cause we’re 8 strong and we’re not afraid to use it.
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